Will's Watches Vol. 59: The Strangers: Chapter 1
The Strangers: Chapter 1 (2024), Dream Scenario, I finally started Always Sunny, and more
We’re back with another edition of Will’s Watches, where I don’t sell wrist watches, but I do sell movie and TV reviews, for FREE! Please subscribe below if you aren’t already and share with your friends and I’ll give you a crisp high-five! Also feel free to give my Instagram a follow HERE.
Hope everyone is having a fun and safe Memorial Day weekend! We haven’t covered a horror movie on here in a MINUTE. Last one was probably the last Scream movie, and that’s more of a meme franchise than anything (might be a hot take, sorry). Does The Strangers prequel live up to the original? Let’s find out.
Spoiler Free Section:
The Strangers: Chapter 1 (2024):
I saw the first The Strangers (2008) movie when I was pretty young, probably 11 or 12. Story was simple. Couple in a cabin in the middle of the woods getting attacked by masked murderers. I watched that movie in an actual cabin in the middle of the woods, so it was horrifying. Dennis from Always Sunny was also in it which I did not realize until now. But the movie was great, kept it simple, had good scares, and I remember it very fondly.
In 15 years, I will not remember The Strangers: Chapter 1. Let’s start there. I saw one description on Twitter that described it better than any way I could: this movie is like a Hallmark version of the original. And I don’t even think my mom, a known Hallmark Hero, would like this one.
The movie follows a couple whose car breaks down in a small town, forcing them to stay in the one AirBnB there overnight until everything is fixed. Still simple and straightforward.
There are probably three times in this movie that will cause you to jump, but there isn’t much that is actually scary outside of that. There was probably at least three times where people in my audience audibly laughed. A 1:1 laugh to jump ratio is not good folks. Not to spoil, but if you’ve seen the first one, it really is exactly the same story. Similar big twist in the middle, same ending, same everything. The murderers are also just less scary versions of the originals. Take the first movie and just turn every part of it down from a 10 to a 5, and you get The Strangers: Chapter 1.
Like all bad horror movies, you’ll find the same things here: yelling at the main characters for making the wrong decisions (the boyfriend in this is straight up a liability), missing chances to escape, unnecessarily making things harder for themselves, etc.
The thing about this one though is that the marketing plan was actually done very well. On the red carpet during the premiere, the masked murderers broke through one of the signs with a hatchet, they’d show up during interviews to tell people it was over, it was fun. I have to give them credit for that.
Another thing before I close this out, apparently this is the first part of a trilogy that is already filmed, and the other two will be released within a year from now (first one is scheduled for an October/September release and the third early 2025). I unfortunately think I am going to have to see the other two.
I do have to point out that we have not been getting great horror movies for years. I know there are a few less popular ones that I haven’t seen that are genuinely great, but the mainstream ones have been garbage. So on a 2020s horror movie scale, this is probably like a 3.5 star. But we don’t rate on a horror movie scale, we rate on a movie movie scale.
TL;DR: Not great. Not the worst movie I have seen this year unfortunately, but just a carbon copy of the original (which is great) that is worse in every way. Don’t really recommend this one unless you're just looking for a generic scary/not really scary movie, but it does allow me to recommend the 2008 movie for anyone looking for a good horror flick.
Ranking: 2 stars (43 raw score)
The Strangers: Chapter Trivia: There have been several news articles before the release of 'Chapter One' stating that the Director intends to release a 'super-cut' of the three planned films spliced and edited together as a single film. If all films of the trilogy are about 90 to 100 minutes long (which is typical of most slasher/thriller productions.), then the 'super-cut' will be about 290 to 300 minutes long, making it potentially one of the longest horror films ever made.
My Rating System Explained:
Got a special request this week to explain my rating system. I rate out of five stars for a quick view and then try to narrow it down to a raw score which will just be out of 100, but the star ranking helps me narrow it down mathematically. It mostly lines up the same but gets a little tighter towards the top. See this helpful little guide down below:
Word Around the Kitchen:
Coming in 2025, Rian Johnson announced his new movie following Knives Out and Glass Onion with Wake Up Dead Man. These movies are super fun and glad to see Daniel Craig returning. I watched Glass Onion in theaters when it was out for a week before dropping on Netflix a month or so later, so hopefully can do the same this time around.
New short trailer for The Bear season 3, which will wrap up a month of June that will see tons of shows coming back. Super excited for this despite the anxiety it will give me every episode.
Extra Bites:
See below for the other content I’ve been watching lately. As always, all my movie reviews go up first on my Letterboxd account. To keep it simple, the four categories here are: Absolute Cinema (incredible content), Would Watch Again (good stuff, recommend), Meh (it’s fine), Madame Web (it’s terrible)
Dream Scenario (2023)
Very interesting movie with a great premise: what if one day everyone started dreaming about Nicholas Cage. Personally, I would love living in this world, but it devolves pretty fast. Michael Cera also randomly is in this which was a nice surprise (as well as a cameo from an actor at the end that has appeared in a show covered in this very newsletter that I won’t spoil). I don’t know if it gets across the statement on our culture it is trying to make, but I enjoyed this one.
Verdict: Would Watch Again
This week’s edition of “What? You haven’t seen that before???”:
It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia (Seasons 1-3)
I’ve been told to watch this for YEARS and I just never have, mostly because there are so many seasons. But after seeing so many funny TikTok clips, I had to start. Man is this just incredible. I am fighting through the urge to just skip to some of the new seasons but I am fighting strong. I’ll continue to update the people as I embark on this journey, but I’m glad I finally gave in.
Verdict: Absolute Cinema
Coming Soon:
A ton going on in life next week, so may have to move things around, but plan is to see what people are billing as “the action movie of the summer”
.
-
-
-
SPOILER SECTION
-
-
-
The Strangers: Chapter 1 (2024):
Boyfriend is a straight up liability, guys has asthma and even worse: a bad attitude!
There are several parts at the beginning where the main masked guy is in the background or standing behind/next to the girlfriend and she doesn’t see him, I just have to say what happened to peripheral vision
The girlfriend sees one of the masked ladies right in front of her and the boyfriend gaslights her into thinking she saw a painting across the room??
Girl hides in the bathroom and leaves her flashlight on, clearly shining under the door??
Boyfriend finds a shotgun at one point and A) misses the murderer and B) gets closer to shooting his girlfriend in the head
We get a repeat of the original where the boyfriend accidentally shoots the guy who came to fix their fridge in the head
They then take his car attempting to leave, whip it around, then just wait to be hit by the murderer’s car? He backs up multiple times to continue hitting them and they just… don’t drive away? And then get pinned up against a tree?
This whole time the boyfriend could be taking heads off with the shotgun, but no he just wants to get caught in the car
Girlfriend makes the first smart decision of the movie and leaves him to run in the forest, only to hide at the only part in the forest that has some sort of landmark outside of a concrete structure, covering herself in leaves but leaving her face completely out in the open
Boyfriend catches one of the villains in the forest and just points the gun at her until the other masked man comes to save her? This is where you shoot her in the kneecaps, she’s not going anywhere then is she
By the end of it, they are both captured, and the same thing as the original happens. The murderers take turns stabbing them in the stomach, boyfriend dies, girlfriend lives
Ends with the girlfriend in a hospital bed
We will end with a new segment called “How I would have gotten myself out of this situation”:
Uber to a hotel instead of staying in creepy town
Climb out of bedroom window immediately and run, they will not catch me
Upon finding shotgun in upstairs room with only one entrance, I will sit in the corner and wait for someone to come up or until they leave
Upon finding the shotgun, run to street that is not far away, and walk back to back with girlfriend in the wide open until we get to civilization
Drive away when presented with a car
Drive away on motorcycle immediately upon hearing girlfriend saw a person in the house
Keep my phone in my pocket and not leave it on a table like an idiot
Drive to a McDonald’s instead of stopping at a local diner